United ban stinky passengers

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. The time where I travel a lot for work. I’m not complaining (as I love visiting NY this time of year), but I am a homebody and would like some time chilling with my wife and dog. Maybe next year things will be more chill, though I doubt it. Part of the joy of flying is the inherent volatility of the people around you. They may be sick, loud, or stinky.

This got me thinking, what if there were a way to punish the stinkiest people, particularly the fartiest? I can see a future where airlines have some sort of sensor in chairs to detect when people are flatulent, however this does not account for silent, yet deadly toots. Either way, I think this would likely be more cost that it’s worth.

From a data perspective, it would be fascinating to get more detailed “fartilytics” on passengers, but there’s not enough value for anyone to actually do this at a meaningful level of scale. Guess I’ll just have to bear the stinkiness of humanity for the foreseeable future.

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