United gas-back guaranteeTM

Recently on Instagram, I encountered a video of a man ingesting an egregious amount of chill right before boarding a plane. I believe the joke is that this will result in excessive flatulence, much to the chagrin of other passengers. Look at that, I just used chagrin in a sentence, my English teachers would be proud (though not too proud because I’m talking about farting on planes).

I digress, in the comment section of this post, someone said, “Plane farts don’t count.” This comment lives rent-free in my head.

What if they did count? You can imagine airlines enacting some sort of insurance policy where flatulence while on a plane is grounds for immediate ejection. This is insane and impossible to enforce. It’d wreak havoc on travel schedules and the profit margins of airlines. That said, it’d be hilarious.

I’m not advocating for it per se, but I’d love to see this go live even as a bit for April Fools Day.

Have a friend who’s admitted to tootin on a plane? Send them this newsletter. https://sorens.beehiiv.com/